“There she goes again!”
“She has posted some new photo of her and her fiancé out and about in the city on ANOTHER date night. She just HAS to flash that ring doesn’t she.”
“Whatever. He’s ugly anyway and she looks like she’s gaining weight.”
Does that sound familiar? It may not be anything you’ve said out loud of course. You don’t want people to think you’re hating right? It’s just an internal conversation between you and your inner comparative hater. Whether you’ve had this exact situation or you’ve had an alternative situation, the end result is still the same: Hateration.
This world has taught us that when we see someone else doing well, we don’t immediately support them or encourage them. We break down the situation to find something terrible about it to feel better about ourselves. We feel threatened at times by other’s successes because we don’t feel that we have successes of our own.
We hate on the girl who has a fiancé because we’re tired of being single. We talk about the guy who settled down and found a wife because internally we want that to be our story and it’s not. We’re mad that they’re traveling again to a new country and having great experiences, when in reality we wish we were there with them. We face the fact that our life isn’t as great as the other person’s SEEMS to be, so we compare lives, and instead of getting up off our behinds and doing something about it, we hate.
And the killer part?
We like the picture. We comment “You look good together”, when in our mind we just called them both ugly and internally hope that it all comes crashing down. Internally, we don’t wish divorce on anyone, nor do we hope and pray for someone’s demise. But in that moment of comparing where that person is to where we want to be, that comes up and out of our heart.
For a while, I had to remove myself from Facebook, IG, Twitter, and SnapChat because that’s what I was doing. I had to have a heart check. I had a problem. These people had done nothing to me personally, and some of them I didn’t even know! It was an internal thing I had to pray about. The obvious thing was that I wasn’t happy with where I was in some, if not all areas of my life. Someone innocent came along who was celebrating something in their life, and at the moment I saw the picture and their joy, I compared my life of little to no joy to theirs. Instead of me praying for more joy, I internally hoped for the loss of theirs. That’s not good!
You have to take some time and analyze YOU. Analyze why you aren’t where you want to be? Why are you threatened by their experiences? Why does seeing them excited make you miserable, to the point that your want them to join you in your misery? It’s a heart issue! We have to deal with matters of the heart.
I leave you with this story.
I had traveled with a group of people from my college to sing in a national HBCU choir. One of the people I traveled with use to be my best friend. There were tryouts for solos, and one of the solos was one that I had back in high school, so I knew I was going to get it. But for some reason, my voice was not acting right! I was losing my voice on the day of my audition!
I went to audition for the solo and it didn’t go that well. My best friend went in to audition for a different song and she did well. Later on that day, they offered her the solo that I auditioned for! One that she didn’t even ask to audition for! I WAS HEATED!
We were roommates, so we still hung out and laughed and talked. But internally, I was wishing for her to lose her voice. I wanted her to get up on stage and her voice crack. I was hoping she was going to get sick.
But I realized that my heart wasn’t in the right place. I needed to get it together but I was so angry. I prayed about it and had a friend of mine pray for me. Later that day, God had me CONFESS to her what I had been hoping would happen to her. She sat there with a stunned look on her face. But I felt a weight had lifted for me. I challenged the evil in my heart towards her and confessed it aloud so that God could deal with it.
Now I’m not saying go around and tell everyone who you’ve been hating on that you’ve been doing it, but I am saying you need to go to God and ask Him to start dealing with you on it. You don’t want to have a bitter heart because of something YOU are dealing with. Others are just trying to enjoy their lives, not please you and make you feel comfortable by being less than they are.
And step two? Take the necessary steps to become better than who you are now! If you’re not happy with your life, then start making moves! Write something, say something, do something!