What do you see? Is it the hurt? Is it the pain? I chose the series topic for the month to be “Self-Love Is Love”. We now live in an era where you can pay to look like anybody. You can pay to be skinny, you can buy hair, you can even change your eye color. You can buy babies, sex, love, I mean some even pay for friendships.
The one thing however that money can’t buy is Self-Love. Just because the outside appearance may change, it does not change how we really feel on the inside. What do I mean by the inside? I am talking about the real you that you see when you look in the mirror. Those scars, those bruises, that heartache, that abandonment those are you. Things that Money can’t change; and these are the things that I will address during this series. While also sharing my personal Journey and Discovery of Self-Love.
Where does it Start
My theory childhood. I have met many adulthoods chasing in their adult lives everything that they have missed in their childhood. For example, some may only wear expensive or branded shoes now because as a child expensive shoes were not afforded to them. For me it was 3rd grade, definitely 3rd grade. I remember in front of the entire class, asking me why my grandmother was so involved. She asked was it because my mother didn’t want me? For me my journey started there. Though my mother loved me circumstances beyond my control as a child, prevented us from being together, but my teacher in 3rd grade started my journey at just 8yrs old.
Something so innocently spoken created a uproar of hell in my inquisitive spongey 8yr old brain. She spoke to the real questions that I asked in the mirror behind my matching bows, latest toys and hottest posters. It can be beneficial at times to sit and journal. Think back on your journey of identity, where did it start? Those questions in the mirror where did they start? Those feelings of rejection, where did they start? I know many may reflect on a life loss, or maybe even something as recent as heartbreak, but for some like myself it may go back to childhood. It may be an absent parent, childhood bullying, or maybe just a seed planted by a dominant adult in your childhood, that could be family, teachers or clergy.
This type of transparency is great for your journey. At some point we have to rid ourselves from the insecurities or the dead weight of secrets. Though the hardest part is embracing what we see as flaws and failures it is the first step to improving the image in the mirror. Don’t be afraid, know that everything bad you’ve went through can be turned around and used for the good.
Just A Little Bit More
By the time we most reach mid age we have all for the most part identified our strengths and weaknesses. When it comes to relationships, whether that be romantic, friendships, or family. We have for the most part basic clarity to our abilities. Still focusing on Self-Love, I encourage you to do just a little bit more. Where am I going with this? Follow me.
By now we all know how to make “Bae” happy or to try to attract a “Bae”. We see something we know “bae” would like we grab it. “Bae” birthday coming up we make elaborate plans. I mean let’s be honest “Bae” knows there isn’t anyone rolling with him like you. “Bae” knows you will never leave and that they hold the #1 spot. But at what point do we start ensuring our own happiness? I’m not here to bash looking out for “Bae” I’m here to encourage you to do just a little more for YOU!
For some “Bae” may be him, her, them, or it. I know for me when I see something my children need, I just throw it in the bag. When it’s something for me I may just say, “I will wait until next time”, or “it needs to be on sale I can wait”. I remember when “it” was my family. I just wanted to please them, look like them, and just make them proud. I wanted to be “watch this” Just what they wanted me to be. I mean I had no clue of who I was or what I wanted to be. I remember when “it” was church. I went every week and to every function I didn’t even know, nor did I even believe in God at the time. I received every Sunday School student of the year, student of the month, visitor awards, accolades, and I was always there.
Last but not least, I remember when “Bae” was Bae. Everything I thought I wanted, he made me feel so good. That feeling where you would give up everything just to see that person happy. I know everybody may not be able to relate but I know some who can. That love where you do everything together, you share your thoughts dreams, and ideas. Come on you know “bae” the one we always understand. I mean you know everybody is not perfect right, we know every excuse for them, the troubled past, everybody who did bae wrong, and it’s you and bae against the world.
But happens when we have given everything to him, her, them, or it, then we don’t have anything left for ourselves? If your “Bae” is addiction, what happens when the money is gone? What happens when the children leave, the church closes, and you realize “bae” don’t really love you like you love “Bae” and your heart is broken and your cup is empty? Devastating, right? Exactly why we have to learn to give a little, and save a little to be able to give to ourselves a little bit more when we need. We have to be our own “bae” sometimes. Do a little bit more for you today. Stop hesitating, everything that you need is inside of you. You are enough, you have to be because you never know when you will be all that you have.
How do you start, here are a few suggestions, Take yourself to dinner, order whatever you want, put on that outfit that you like, style your hair or don’t style it. The point is to be who it is you need to be for you and for your own happiness. Go the extra mile for you. Don’t be afraid to love who you see in the mirror. The hurt, the pain, the bruises, don’t stop until you love what you see in the mirror. In spite of what you see right now; remember you can change what you see, it starts by doing just a little bit more for you.
Stand in the mirror, who do you see looking back. What do you hear as you stand and stare at you in the mirror? I remember a time when I never looked in the mirror and I hated taking pictures. I would take pictures and people would say, what’s wrong it looks nice. There were also those who innocently yet carelessly spoke to say things like It looks just like you. What goes in come’s out right? For me I never looked in the mirror because like they said it looked just like me, like the pictures I seen, the hurt, the pain, the reflection of failures, defeat and everything negative I’ve ever experienced.
I encourage everyone reading this right now, to write down 5 things that you want to do for you. Stop focusing on all the things that you can change and list 5 things that you can work on right now. Then make a list of 5 Things that could stop you from achieving the 5 things on the first list. Once that is complete I want you to list five things that you’re going to do to prevent anything from stopping you. Start working on your lists, and during those moments of self-defeating thinking remind yourself you knew the hard times were coming and implement your action plan and do what it takes to not give up on you. You deserve to love the person looking at you in the mirror. That’s the real “Bae” Remember Self Love is Love.