The past is NOT who I am

​Psalms 32:5 NLT
“Finally, I confessed all my sins to you and stopped trying to hide my guilt. I said to myself, “I will confess my rebellion to the Lord.” And you forgave me! All my guilt is gone.
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I recently found myself in a place where I unpacked in guilt city. I allowed myself to revisit my past and focus on what I had done, who I had  done it with and was beating myself up about it. It’s caused quite a bit of discouragement and disappointment, because I found myself asking those hard questions. “How could I continue to give my body to those men who didn’t deserve it and who weren’t my husband?” 
“How could I let him treat me like that when I claim to be a Queen who does Queen things?” “How could I talk inappropriately when I claim I’m educated?” “How could I be mean and impatient when I claim I’m a child of God and made in his image?” 

All of these hard questions came to mind because I’ve never confessed any of these things to God. I’ve always sinned, asked for forgiveness and moved on. I never allowed myself time to go before God to really heal and deal. When I truly became intentional about living my best life and chasing after God wholeheartedly I realized that it was going to take some work. Work that not only included being a better me today and in the future, but work that included me addressing those things of my past that I’ve tried so hard to forget. I’ve learned that the past is the past and regardless of what terrible decisions you’ve made and who you’ve made them with, you cannot change it. You can avoid it and act as if it never happened, but there will come a time where you’re faced to deal with the things you’ve tried so hard to forget. I’ve learned that it is better to address, heal and deal than to ignore, hide and run. The most amazing thing is that you’re connected to the plug...God! There are some things in my past that I will take to my grave that even my closest friends or family members will never know about. However, I also recognize that it still needs to be dealt with so that’s when God steps in and does his best work, because he knows EVERYTHING! 

God loves us and the moment we confess with our hearts, he forgives us. However, learning to forgive yourself takes work as well, but it is necessary. Part of dealing with your past is learning how to forgive yourself and then walking in that forgiveness. I can attest to the fact that it is easier said than done, but there’s nothing too hard for God. You have to be willing to accept the things of your past, be willing to trust God and trust the process of dealing with your past and be patient because it’s not an overnight process. Truthfully, there’s no time limit, just an on time God. A wise woman once told me, “It happened, now what?” I believe that this statement applies to the things of our past. It happened, you can’t change it, but you can overcome it. Your past is not who you are, so overcome it and live your best life!

“The past cannot be changed, forgotten, edited, or erased. It can only be accepted.”-Artist Unknown

Lalandra Scriven
​Dayton, Ohio